Ornithology 101

today's assignment; be a bird lover.

watch every bird-related film you can think of. Hitchcock's The Birds...Fly Away Home...Kez...the scene in Forrest Gump when Jenny prays to be a bird...Lost and Delirious...Mary Poppins...

build a five star bird box.

avoid Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven", which could instill hatred towards birds for its longevity.

become well aquainted with Bill Odie and David Attenborough.

have a turkey-free Christmas (if you succeed, you're a better man than i am)

try bird watching, either at a wildlife reserve or from the privacy of your own bedroom window.

learn The Owl and the Pussycat off by heart.

teach your cat that birds are friends, not food.

donate money to the RSPB.

cook someone tea entirely comprised of Birds Eye products (Bird's custard is also acceptable)

don't chase the pigeons. a pigeon is the same thing as a dove, did you know that?

take a picture of a bird and send it to me.

note: anyone sending pictures of naked women will be punished.